Learning from Our Emotions

10/17/2023

Our brain is always getting sensory info from our body - info about what's happening. This includes things like temperature, blood pressure, and heart rate.

And our brain has to decide what to do with that information - how will it distribute resources?

And so it makes predictions.

So what does that look like?

Your heart rate might increase. You might mobilize energy from your liver and muscles. Your cortisol might shoot up.

All this to make sure your body has what it needs when it needs it.

What’s fascinating, is that as we experience more of life, how we interpret that sensory info can change.

As we grow and learn, we begin to attach concepts to those internal feelings.

What do I mean by that?

We take that sensory info from the body and apply meaning to it.

Let's go through an example.

For some, a racing heart and butterflies in the stomach equals fear. And so, they develop strategies for getting out of or avoiding the situation.

For another, a racing heart and butterflies in the stomach equals excitement. And so, they develop strategies to engage in and seek out similar situations.

Same info, different concept, and different end result.

Sometimes those concepts allow our brain to predict well. But other times they get in the way of proper prediction. As a result, our body mounts a response far beyond what we actually need to deal with the situation.

While we’re not responsible for the concepts we learned as children, we are responsible for those we keep.

We can seek out people and learning that can help us construct new and better concepts

We can build friendships with those who have different perspectives and experiences. We can learn from them how to be kinder, how to be braver, and how to make better decisions.

As we refine our concepts, our brain's ability to direct resources improves. The brain gets better at prediction.

Yet, as we work to deconstruct unhelpful concepts, sometimes, we need professional help. It’s not always a matter of willpower or wanting to change. Sometimes we need extra support to navigate those changes in a healthy way.

And it takes courage to recognize when our efforts alone are no longer enough. We may need help to face and understand our wounds and our weaknesses, our terrors and our traumas. And it takes courage again to seek out or accept that help.

If you need help reaching out to someone like that, please let us know, and we will help you take the next right step.

Now, with that said, I want to talk about a concept that can be helpful in reframing and refining our concepts.

And that’s the concept of emotional granularity.

If you’ve ever read or seen The Giver, you might remember a turn of phrase from it: 'precision of language'.

And while, in the book, the society that birthed that phrase didn't work out great, the idea holds. In refining our concepts, precision of language is key.

Emotional granularity is about learning that language. It's about knowing how to understand, express, and regulate our emotions.

It’s the fleshing out and expanding of some of our individual emotion concepts (e.g., sad, happy, mad).

The more insight we have into the emotions we feel, the better we can respond to those with action. Our brains also get better at predicting, and at getting the body what it needs when it needs it.

For example, if something happens, and I only have the concept of anger, that may spill over into all areas of my life. I bring the anger into my relationships, and I may do significant damage.

This is one example, among many, of how we might begin to expand our emotion concepts. The way concepts are represented differs from culture to culture. There is no universal set of basic emotions.

I'm just feeling generally angry. Because I don’t know what to do with that anger, it gets directed at everyone around me.

But what if I can break it down? What if I get granular (see what I did there?)

What if, for example, the thing that happened was a breach of trust?

And what if I’m not just angry, but I feel weak and foolish for trusting that person?

What if I'm hurt and heartbroken that that person broke my trust?

And I feel resentful and defensive for the situation the breach of trust put me in.

And maybe I feel lonely and isolated because everyone else’s life seems so perfect.

Diving into what the anger means may seem like so many words. But what can that process do for us?

Check out Brené Brown's List of Emotions!

I feel weak and foolish for trusting that person. First, I can acknowledge that feeling. Then, I could limit interactions with that person if possible. And I could learn to set healthy boundaries that make a similar breach of trust less likely in the future.

I feel hurt and heartbroken. Again, I can acknowledge that. I can allow myself to feel the pain and grief of the situation rather than pushing the emotions down or away. I can sit with them and then release them.

I feel resentful and defensive. I can choose to forgive. I can recognize that though this person broke my trust, there are other that love me whom I can trust. I don’t have to let my resentment seep into those relationships.

I feel lonely and isolated. I can be intentional about seeking out people who are emotionally safe. I can allow them to love and support me. I can take small steps to engage in things I love with people I love.

As we learn to sit with our emotions and to ask questions of them – new avenues open up. As we expand our emotion concepts, we learn to respond to and navigate those emotions in a healthier way.

It's important to remember that no one culture has the market cornered when it comes to these concepts. Learning from a range of cultures is a great way to expand our understanding.

And the better we get at understanding & navigating emotions, the better our brain predicts, and the better we feel. As we feel better and respond in a healthier way to the world around us, we invite joy and happiness along for the ride.