Happiness Has Been Hijacked

How many of you loved exploring as kids? I did!

I grew up under the big, open skies of Texas. We had miles and miles of open land behind our house just waiting to be explored. And my brother and I spent hours doing just that.
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​If we were lucky, we’d find arrowheads.

One time we found an old gas station out in the middle of nowhere. We brought home rusty cans of oil that I spilled all over my mom’s outdoor table (whoops!).

Another time, we got lost in a snowstorm. We had to shelter in an overturned silo (till we figured out we were in a neighbor’s junk yard).

And at night, sometimes we’d catch fireflies. Did you ever try to catch them? We’d get as many as we could in a mason jar – our own little lanterns.

So, what do exploring and fireflies have to do with happiness?

I want to tread carefully here, because “happiness” is such a broad concept. It has many different meanings to many different people. And I think it’s easy to take an approach to happiness that leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled. We may feel like there’s something wrong with us, if we're not "happy".

And one of the mistakes I think we make is that we see happiness as something we can catch and keep. Just like the fireflies in the jar.

And then we’ll have our own personal ‘happiness lantern’ that we can carry around with us. It’ll light up each day and make the negative emotions scatter.

 But happiness doesn’t really work like that. It's not somewhere we arrive.

 I think it looks a lot more like exploring.

When my brother and I were exploring, we weren’t thinking about being happy. We weren’t trying to capture happiness. We were just adventurers, eager to see what was out there.

We were engaged in discovering new treasures. We loved spending time together.

Sometimes it was exciting, like the times we found arrowheads. Sometimes it was scary, like when we got lost. Sometimes it was painful, like when my brother got bucked off a donkey.

Yet our exploration, in all its colors, was, I believe, an expression of happiness. Or maybe “happiness in action”. I believe happiness grows out of engaging in life with the ones we love.

And that it’s so much more expansive than “feeling good.”

Happiness has been hijacked.
 
It’s become a caricature of its true self. The fairy tale ending – “happily ever after.” Where nothing ever goes wrong. Where life is perpetual sunshine and rainbows. Where all the negative emotions are cleared away. Where the monotony of daily life – chores, being stuck in traffic, email – somehow disappears, replaced by a life of ease.

If that’s our definition, then we may begin to feel cheated. I’ve long loved this quotation from columnist Jenkin Lloyd Jones:

 “Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old-time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

Could it be, perhaps, that happiness isn’t what we thought it was? What if happiness wasn’t dependent on the weather, or the shape of our bodies, or the money in our bank account? What if happiness didn't depend on any particular circumstance?
 
What if happiness was more expansive?
 
What if happiness looked more like engagement with life exactly as it is? With the ups and the downs. Experiencing and accepting both the emotions we’d like to feel and those we’d rather avoid.
 
What if it looked like engaging in life with a sense of purpose?
 
What if it looked like investing in quality relationships?  
 
What if it looked like being open to new ideas and new experiences?

What if it looked more like childlike wonder – a mind and heart primed to learn and explore, in awe of the simple beauties all around?
 
I don’t know that I’ve settled on one perfect definition of happiness. I don't know that there is one. But I’m learning that happiness is much different in character and quality than I expected.
 
And I’m learning to understand what it’s not.
 
I’m learning to let go of some of the fantasy and façade that hides real, genuine happiness.
 
​I’m exploring. Are you ready to be an explorer too?